Turning Against the Self

When the source of your anger is too frightening or dangerous to confront directly, you turn your anger inwards, and beat yourself up instead.

You often see this in children with domineering parents or teachers, but also in adults who have been forced into a powerless position. They blame themselves for other people’s mistakes and convince themselves that they deserve the unfair cruelty being inflicted upon them.

The obvious outward sign is self-hitting, but it can also be heard in more subtle attitudes which confirm their worthlessness and why they deserve to suffer. Internalised misogyny, homophobia, and racism are good examples.

Very difficult to shake because against-the-self thoughts are an essential buffer for people in abusive relationships. The thoughts stop them from doing or saying things which will bring even worse treatment from the person or system which has power over them (verbal/physical abuse, rejection, humiliation).